- Being an introvert doesn't mean you're socially anxious. They like people just as much as extroverts do.
- The difference is social anxiety is an unhealthy problem that can be worked on, whereas introversion is the way your brain is wired.
- While extroverts love being in a room full of people, and want to talk to everyone there, introverts prefer to have a meaningful conversation with just one or two others.
- The most important thing when networking is to play to your strengths, according to executive coach Perpetua Neo.
- "The first thing is to realise there is nothing wrong with being an introvert," she said. "Secondly, ask yourself: 'how can I work my introversion? How can I still be connected, I can still have great relationships, without pressuring myself to function or socialize like an extrovert?"
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Contrary to what you might think, being an introvert has nothing to do with how much you enjoy other people's company. Rather, it has to do with how you energize and recharge yourself.
Extroverts love being in a room full of people, and want to talk to everyone there. Introverts prefer to have a meaningful conversation with just one or two others.
Therapist and executive coach Perpetua Neo, who works with high performing women, told INSIDER introverts can struggle with networking because they mistake the mental strain of talking to too many people for social anxiety.
"What they get wrong is thinking being an introvert means being a hermit, or being shy or socially anxious," she said. "That's a total misnomer. If you have social anxiety, that's something that can be worked on and treated, because it's not healthy and not functional."
Introversion, she said, is something that doesn't have to be changed.
Introversion is simply the way your brain is wired. Introverts don't like small talk, for example, because they get nothing from it. They'd rather make connections with people in a small, intimate group. Then, afterwards, they recharge on their own. If they're over-stimulated by too many people, they can experience an introvert hangover.
"Imagine if you forget to charge your phone overnight and you wake up with 20% battery and it's in low-battery mode," said Neo. "If you don't give yourself that time to recharge, you're always going to function on low battery mode, so your performance is going to be compromised, and dealing with humans is also going to be compromised."
Read more: What everyone gets wrong about introverts — including why they are not antisocial or lazy
Rather than trying to operate like an extrovert and draining themselves out, introverts can learn to leverage their wiring, Neo said.
"The first thing is to realise there is nothing wrong with being an introvert," she said. "Secondly, ask yourself: 'how can I work my introversion? How can I still be connected, I can still have great relationships, without pressuring myself to function or socialize like an extrovert?"
One tip she gives her introverted clients is to shake up the boring, mundane questions. So instead of small-talking about the weather, you can ask "How do you know the host?" or "what brings you here today?"
"Already the question is a lot more meaningful, and it starts to turn into deeper connections and explain the psyche of someone else," said Neo. "Start asking people interesting questions as well, like 'what was the most interesting thing that happened to you today?'"
Asking people which five people, dead or live, they would invite to a dinner party, also tells you a lot about them, she added.
Once introverts foster a connection with someone, they can get just as much out of a networking event as the extrovert that claims 30 or more business cards. The most important thing is to know who you are, and play to your strengths. Trying to be someone or something you're just not isn't going to be as fruitful.
"You're going to end up feeling anxious if you don't accept who you are fundamentally," said Neo. "If you're not wired to talk to 30 people ... then don't talk to 30 people."
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